Wacky Horoscopes

Today you'll find your home transformed into a magical casino.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

There is no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you're a mouse.

20 Apr – 20 May

The concept of time is an illusion, so don't bother showing up for work.

21 May – 20 Jun

There's an exciting adventure waiting for you, check back in tomorrow to find out what it is.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Do not fear change, be the change you want to see in the world. Unless it's your money, then you better keep an eye on it.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you will be surprised to see a wild platypus

23 Aug – 22 Sep

If you don't clean your room you'll get a fungus, if you do clean your room you'll get a fungus.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Get ready to uncover a long-lost collection of mismatched socks, hidden away in the depths of your sock drawer.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today, nothing bad can happen

22 Nov – 21 Dec

An Aquarius in Canada will save your life today.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You have the power to be a super hero. Unfortunately you may waste it on becoming rich.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You'll suddenly possess the weirdest talent for winning at games of chance.

19 Feb – 20 Mar