Wacky Horoscopes

Don't buy any houses today. If you do, they'll be haunted.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Forgive vampires for being distrustful.

20 Apr – 20 May

You will accidentally unlock the ability to communicate with plants. Prepare for insightful conversations with your leafy friends.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will accidentally provoke a dog and a mailman into dancing with each other while you hide indoors

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You'll win an award for "Most Improved" at something today.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

A mischievous leprechaun will guide you to a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Don't forget to share!

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You are an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, inside a mystery. Unravel yourself and see what's inside!

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You should do some kind of artistic expression today.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You're going to be awesome today. Unless you're not. But even if you're not, you're still going to be pretty great.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your favourite pair of shoes will mysteriously start tap dancing whenever you wear them.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

That would be a big plate of…bread.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

A rainbow will follow you everywhere you go today, spreading joy and glitter.

19 Feb – 20 Mar