Wacky Horoscopes

A new adventure awaits you, but first, you must answer the call of nature.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Dance with a librarian

20 Apr – 20 May

A group of fireflies will light up your path during an evening stroll. Embrace the enchanting glow.

21 May – 20 Jun

A stray cat will adopt you as its personal masseuse. Expect purrfection.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

The longer you stare at a blank wall, the more likely it is to have something written on it.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your pet goldfish will reveal its true identity as a reincarnated pirate seeking buried treasure.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You're an onion. You have layers.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will discover a hidden talent for speaking fluent dolphin. Prepare for deep conversations in the ocean.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you'll find yourself baking an epic pie, but will be frustrated by how difficult it is to cut it into slices.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Uncover a portal to a parallel universe where con prints don't work on file cabinets.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You'll spend hours trying to get rid of a sticky substance that is somehow stuck to your hand.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You will have a great idea today.

19 Feb – 20 Mar