Today's Wacky Horoscopes
-
You will find a four-leaf clover today, but instead of bringing you good luck, it will accidentally summon a leprechaun. He will be eager to grant you a wish, but be cautious of what you wish for.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Celebrate with a Cancer
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
When you get home today, you will find an angry swarm of bees has made a home in your mailbox. Don't try to rescue the mail, just wait for the bees to leave on their own.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
Everything you touch will turn to gold (assuming you touch non-living things).
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
You will finally learn the truth about chicken nuggets.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
A flash mob will break out in a surprisingly coordinated dance number, and you will be asked to join in.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
You're an onion. You have layers.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
Today you'll be unexpectedly decorated with pointy ears, allowing you to attend Rave Chic parties without fear of bloodshed
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
Your partner is the one who will put the salad on the table in front of you today. Do not worry, they will make it a lovely one.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
Today you will learn the secret to happiness. It is to never forget your umbrella.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
A cryptic message from an alternate dimension will arrive in your inbox. Be cautious of what you believe and ponder the vastness of the universe and the possibilities that exist beyond our realm.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
The weather will be beautiful in your neck of the woods today.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
