Today's Wacky Horoscopes
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You will spill tomato juice on your white t-shirt today. The stain will be permanent. Consider this a lesson in letting go of perfection.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Stop getting your messages from a Ouija board. It's not safe.
20 Apr – 20 May
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Your problems are now shrinking! It might be because you are becoming more calm, or it might be because you are actually shrinking. I'm not really sure which one it is.
21 May – 20 Jun
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A misunderstanding about dinner will lead to an amusing conversation about your different preferences. Remember, friendships are about embracing our differences and finding common ground, just like pizza and garlic bread can be a perfect pairing.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Just because you can't remember where you left your keys, it doesn't mean you're going to forget about them.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You'll stumble upon an underground club devoted to knitting sweaters for cats.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will understand the meaning of life, and suddenly all problems will be solved
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Do not fear change, be the change you want to see in the world. Unless it's your money, then you better keep an eye on it.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will dream of kangaroos throughout the night. Don't be alarmed, but do be weary of hopping accidents.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will accidentally send a lewd message to your mentor
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will discover that you haven't aged a single day in the passed year
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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The weather today will be a mix of sun and moonshine.
19 Feb – 20 Mar
