Today's Wacky Horoscopes
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The sea will call out to you, and you will answer.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Believe in the power of juju: Speak positive affirmations and visualize your dreams to attract good fortune.
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will receive a message from a friendly alien civilization via a dream.
21 May – 20 Jun
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Take a glass of water and put it near your bed.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Keep a wary eye on your beer bottles today; they're harboring tiny gnomes.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will have an intense craving for pickles and ice cream.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will finally finish that project you've been putting off for so long.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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If you've ever wanted to go on a beach vacation, now is the time to start packing!
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You are not the sassiest person in the room.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your secret is safe with the lettuce.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will decide that raising kids is kinda hard.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will discover a hidden talent for predicting the weather by listening to the songs of birds. Become the avian meteorologist!
19 Feb – 20 Mar
