Today's Wacky Horoscopes
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You're the type of person who likes to take the scenic route.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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If someone surprises you with a gift, politely decline.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will discover a hidden talent for impersonating farm animals. Get ready to moo, cluck, and oink with precision!
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your favourite pair or socks will start rapping about your wardrobe.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A squirrel will steal your sandwich right out of your hands.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Beware of rogue squirrels plotting to take over the world's nut supply. Stay vigilant!
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will be thrust into a dual universe where everything is made of stone, and there will be no change
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Have a Skype session with an octopus
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today, someone will hand you a small brown bag. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, even if you can tell it's the horse you bought for your sister last year.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Don't stand under that apple tree!
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will have a chance to make a new friend today. However, this person might be an amphibian. It's okay to embrace your more unconventional friendships.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You have always wanted to write a letter to your future self. Today is the day to do it.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
